Getting angry

-
"Were you getting angry at the end?" That's what Coach Adam asked me while we were reviewing last weeks workouts. And honestly, no I wasn't. My cadence was falling, the power numbers were dropping but I wasn't angry. Like with every workout, it was measured and metered. Finish the interval, make sure there's enough for the next one. Focus and recover. Stay settled and in control. Mind in the present but ready for the future.

Maybe that's my problem. I've always held back - always making sure that there's enough for the next day. It's served me well in the past, allowing me to run two marathons back to back in under 3:10. It's been a good self preservation strategy throughout my time in sports. But how much has it limited me? How much further can I go if I let go of reason and step up to the edge? Two options - I fall and have to catch myself or I find the wings to fly.

Standing on edge - time to get angry. Time to let to of the mental walls I've built to protect myself. Control works both ways - the power to ensure enough for the next day and the fortitude to push thru the barriers. I've learned one. I need to master the other.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A long way on foot - Sheep Mountain Endurance Run

-
Image
Fifty miles is a long way - regardless of how you travel. As I was training and preparing for Sheep Mountain Endurance Run, I knew that it would be a long day - I knew that there would be ups and downs, that the plan would have to be fluid and goals adjusted mid-race. That is the nature of endurance sports and the people who achieve are the ones who can go with the flow and find the ability to turn things around if they do go south. Obviously, for my first 50, I was hoping for nothing but smooth sailing - with no dark spots, no demons and smiling the whole way. A girl can always hope, right? Runners assembled for the start Photo - Human Potential Running The sun was just starting to brighten the clouds as we walked to the starting line with nearly 100 other runners. The race director went through a few things, noting that there had already been some DNS's due to the elevation and to be smart. Smart... Most people would say smart would mean not doing something like a 50 mile
the full story...

Mortality

-
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention to arrive safely in a pretty and well preserved body; but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming 'Wow! What a ride!'” - Hunter S. Thompson It seems such a trite quote, but true at the same time. Life is about the journey - the adventures along the way, the failures and successes. A life well lived is a person with stories to tell, taking the chances along the way that will provide fulfillment. You don't realize how close we are teatering to the edge until something happens that affirms our mortality.  In eleven years of practicing physical therapy in a nursing home setting, I've had my share of experiences with death. Never close though - far enough removed to be touched by the passing but not affected. Sometimes it's expected and everyone says "it's for the best. They are happier now." Other times, it's not and we are all shocked
the full story...

Regaining my mojo

-
Image
I'll be honest. The two months between the middle of July and middle of September just about crushed me. Tired all the time, unable to muster more then a slug pace for most rides, and shuffling my way through my runs. It was the worst two month I've had - made worse by my continuing to try to push through the fatigue. So after Vapor I made sure that I would listen to my body and not pressure myself into training until I felt ready. No matter how long it would take, I would take the recovery I needed. Two weeks of minimal activity - short swims that were mostly just paddling around, very short runs where I didn't look at my watch at all and the easiest of rides imaginable. After those two weeks, I was still tired, but feeling better. Getting more like myself again, with a little more energy. That meant I needed at least another week of easy recovery! It was not the time to succumb to FOMO and start up with the big rides and hard runs again. So I behaved even more, knowing ev
the full story...

Friends with the Monsters..

-
And the voices inside of my head.  As Saturday approaches, the voices - the demons - have begun talking to me. Sometimes a whisper, sometimes a scream. 54 miles. It's the distance from Colorado Springs to Lake Pueblo State Park. Or the top of Wilkerson Pass... A long bloody way to cover on two wheels, let along two feet! Yet that is my goal. Traverse the trails and roads west and east of Fairplay, covering more then the distance of two marathons. Theoretically, it should be nothing. After all, I've run back to back marathons many times - once getting both under 3:10. Fifty two miles, in just shy of 24 hours at a pace much faster then I'm planning. But in this ventures, I had time to recover between races and took the recovery seriously. Here, nothing but continuous forward movement. One step in front of the other, no breaks between efforts and the the clock doesn't stop ticking.  As Saturday approaches, those voices are getting louder. Ever doubting, ever questioning -
the full story...