Nothing to be ashamed of

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 I was fully committed on Tabeguache this year. All in, nothing else on the plate. Just train for and hopefully complete the entire trail from Montrose to Grand Junction. And yet... I still have 30 miles to cover and was once again unsuccessful in reaching the Lunch Loops terminus of the trail. I made it significantly further then back in 2022, but still was not able to put the full puzzle together again. 

I made it 117 miles, deciding to pull the at the end of the Cactus Park Segment. And like last year, the questions swirl in my mind. What could I do differently? Where did I go wrong in the training that left me short of the goal. I don't have any good answers for that. I thought I was doing the heat training I needed to handle the sun along the Dominguez Trail and Cactus Park sections. I though I was making sure to work on the hiking as well as the running. There were definitely things that went wrong - from not getting enough sleep in the days leading up the attempt, to several episodes of puke and rally. The huge blister that developed on my right foot also didn't help matters, but that was manageable

 It's also easy to feel like a failure at this point. With two attempts, two times I've fallen short both times. Yes, I went nearly 50 miles more this time, but I was still shy of the goal. It hurts this time because in the greater scheme of things, I was so close. One major climb, two shorter climbs and just 30 miles left. Add in the people questioning why I couldn't just keep going, and those seeds of doubt grow a little stronger. Maybe I'm not strong enough for something this ambitious. Maybe I just don't have what it takes to actually finish the entire trail. I've had more then a few people ask me why I stopped so close to the end. I don't have a good answer. I just know it would have taken me at least another 15 hours, if not longer to finish. And that's assuming I didn't have a catastrophic systems failure in the next 30 miles.

It's easy for people who don't know that trail to question my decision. But there is nothing to be ashamed of for choosing to stop. The distance covered and the distance remaining doesn't tell the whole story. There is more to Tabeguache then just a line on the map. It's more then the series of roads and trails creating the route from Montrose to Grand Junction. It's something deeper. The vastness of the Uncompagre Plateau is overwhelming and encompassing. It works its way into the soul, grabbing on and holding the imagination. Like the song of the sirens, I can't let it go. And until someone else steps up and follows the carsonite signs from one end to the other, there really isn't anyone else who understands the lure and what Tabeguache is like on two feet. The doubt just makes me want to return, to finish the journey and complete the trail. As with the prior two attempts, I need to take the lessons the trail provided me to heart. 

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