Making choices

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 At some point in any big event, there comes the risk of failure. Of stopping before you reach the finish line. Sometimes, that moment is clearly defined and the choice is made for you. You miss a cutoff or something else happens to force you to stop. Other times, you have to make that choice yourself - a decision between you and your crew. Stop now and live to fight another day or keep pushing and risk even more. After stoping at mile 75 last year on the first FKT attempt on Tabeguache, I was hoping that I would not have to make the choice again this year. I knew there was always something that could trip me up and I trusted both my judgement and Nick to determine if I had to stop.

At mile 115, over 30 miles shy of the finish in Grand Junction, I felt like I was headed into dangerous territory. I couldn’t put my finger on why. I just knew things were shutting down. Something was wrong and I was nearing the end of the day. Nearing the point where I was no longer safe making forward progress. That feeling of not really knowing where my feet were going or if I was going in that straight of a line down the road. It was time to pull the plug. Things were just wrong and it didn’t feel like it was a wrong that was recoverable from, unlike all the other setbacks during the prior hours. I knew it and when Nick saw me coming down the road, he also knew it. But it was my decision to stop - mine alone at that moment. 

I’ve been asked a few times since then how do you determine when you aren’t safe making forward progress. I don’t have a really good answer for that question because it’s different for everyone. I may have been able to make it a few more miles - to the White Water trailhead maybe. I might be able to push through things someone else would be stymied by. Conversely, the thing the halted me this year might be nothing the next time I attempt the trail. Everyone is different and we can’t judge someone’s choices. They made the right choice for themselves in that moment. The primary goal is to do nothing fatal, not push on until disaster. There’s a fine line that we dance with these crazy adventures and we have to be comfortable with the choices made in the moment. If you feel that you aren’t safe taking the next step, then that’s the most important thing. Both you and your crew if you have one should be on the same page regarding safety. Don’t let anyone else question your gut feeling if they weren’t there in the moment 

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