Missing Out

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So it’s 30 days out from my crash. My ribs feel much better, but I’m still getting some sharp pains along the front and where the chest tube was. I was able to go back to work at the beginning of the week - which was super nice. I missed my co-workers and interacting with my patients! I’ve even been able to start running a little. Kind of a walk/jog/hoggle type of run - nothing fancy at all. The ribs ache and I can tell I’m still pretty anemic, in addition to still not quite being able to take a full deep breath. But I’m able to start moving more and moving smoother, which is the goal. Small steps, focusing on the moment and not the big picture right now. I have some challenging goals for next year and I need to make sure I heal well, recovery smartly and take my time building into the training again.

But still. Tomorrow I was supposed to be heading up to Golden for my planned final race in the Transcendence Series - the Sawmill 50+. Even though I’d finished my challenge at Indian Creek and didn’t need Sawmill, it still was on the calendar. I was looking forward to a low key winter ultra where I could just have fun and face the challenge the weather provided. Since I’d reached my season goal, I was leaving the option of only doing one lap on the table. I didn’t need the 50k, but wanted to be among the community of runners that make the Human Potential Running Series so great. I didn’t care about my time, the distance I chose to run, or my place. I just wanted to run.

After we got home from Kansas City, it was pretty clear that I wouldn’t be able to run a 50k in four weeks. I was still holding out hope for doing the single 17 mile loop at that point. Walking a few miles was painful and I wasn’t breathing well at all, so I did what was smart. Taking a chance on doing the race would be stupid. I emailed John and said I was out and to pull me from the starting list. (Not so I didn’t show up as DNS. That really doesn’t matter! I have a DNF that doesn’t show up on ultrasignup and that actually annoys me a little. My record isn’t the perfect green that it shows!) I figured with Sawmill being sold out, I might as well give someone on the wait-list my spot. I would hope someone else would do that for me one day. I admit toy hesitated before sending the email. Once it was done, it was done and no matter how good I was feeling on the 14th, I would be out. I thought about holding on for few more days, but the Saturday urgent care visit convinced me that I really needed to think longevity and not just “now.” I felt like crap and didn’t feel like I was recovering at all from the crash. I know what was happening, but that all affected the recovery from the crash even more. Instead of dealing with “just” one or two broken ribs, I was now dealing with five broken ribs, some very cranky lungs, severe anemia and all the post-op challenges from two surgeries and a chest tube for three days. 

Sunset isn't the end - it's the start of new dream


I know I’m in no shape to run 17 miles tomorrow, let alone 34. I know that pulling out of Sawmill was the best for long term recovery and for long term goals. But that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I really wanted to be up in Golden, facing Belcher hill again and being part of something special. I have to remember that one day, one event doesn’t make a runner. It’s the life long commitment to the challenges and the adventures only found through ultra running. I might miss this challenge, but the greater adventures are coming next year. I’ll see my tribe at Stories - both running and volunteering! I have a great weekend planned, although still working on the theme for Home Base over night. And then come July - time to #daregreatly as I step up to Silverheels 100. I knew after Last Call, I wanted to tackle Silverheels. Part of daring greatly is being smart. That is the challenge right now. It doesn’t mean I can’t be sad about missing Sawmill. It just means I have to acknowledge and then look past the sadness and frustration that I’m still hurting and not healing as fast as I would like. It means I have to honor what my body needs in the present so I am ready what is coming.

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