The Stories Anthology Part 2
This is the second half of my thoughts about Stories. Warning - this collection gets a little more philosophical!
Forward Momentum
I'm fond of telling my athletes "continuous forward momentum". It's a common refrain in both ultra running and cycling. But what does it really mean? It's easy to think of it as a purely physical idea - one step at a time, one crank revolution at a time, no matter how slow the pace is. Just keep moving. Physical is easy to grasp, that one step at a time aspect. But it's so much more then just physical - its a mental mindset of perseverance, determination and moving forward. Positivity, approaching the miles and the time with the attitude that you'll be able to push beyond is the key. Forward Momentum keeps you looking at the ever shrinking distance between you and the finish line. It doesn't drag you down with how slow you are covering that distance. This was a good lesson to learn this weekend. There were plenty of times after I reached the 100k mark where I could have just stopped. It was dark, it was cold. I was getting tired. I didn't need to do 100 miles - that was planned for September, when I had more training in my legs. Instead of looking at the whole, I looked at each group of loops. Two more reds, one more Purple. And when my legs finally gave out and running was no longer an option, I had the mental strength to keep moving. One step at a time, keep focusing on the positive. That is the essence of Continuous Forward Momentum - the mental and physical strength required to take one more step and then another. It's a skill as much as running.
Dream Big
When I first signed up for Stories, it was supposed to be my 100k for the Transcendence Series. Because of the timing and the amount of training I would be able to do, I was worried about even going that far. After all, three 50ks from August through November, one formal marathon and a few marathon length long runs don't fall into traditional ultra running training for anything longer then a 50 mile race. Add in the fact that I took nearly two weeks really easy after the Half and Half Marathon on 12/9 to make sure that I was completely recovered from the fall and that left four weeks for solid training. There was also the weather to consider - February in COS can be anything from 60*s and sunny to full on blizzard conditions with sub zero temperatures. No one had gotten over 70 miles last year, so that added to my fears early on. I even mentioned to John in my email going over my plan that it all depended on getting 100k. I was worried that I would only get 50 miles. After meeting with my crew and looking over my tentative plan, I started dreaming. Then for my only really long run before the race, I did the complete circuit with some additional miles. Could I dream even bigger then 100k? After all, I had 30 hours.
It wasn't until I hit 50 miles that I started really letting myself think about the potential of getting to 100 miles. Even so, I still had to safely get through 100k. That was the primary goal. Dreaming didn't do a damn bit of good if something happened before 100k. And then I finished my fourth Green Loop - 65 miles in. I could allow myself to start dreaming, start thinking about a teddy bear belt buckle. I had over 14 hours to cover the last 35 miles. Time to bundle up for the long haul and head out into the night.
Into the Unknown
My longest race to date was Sheep Mountain 50 back in 2016. I've mentioned a few times that I haven't done as much training for Stories as I did for Sheepy. So what was I thinking when I reached the end of Purple 3? Officially, Purple 3 meant I'd run 58.8 miles - my longest distance ever. I felt stronger then at Sheepy, still motivated to keep running. I wasn't wrecked, wanting the miles to be over. I was smiling, having fun and relishing the challenge. (That's my perspective. My crew might have something different to say about that!!) I'd reach my goal of 100k easily. But could I keep going beyond that point? As I headed out on the fourth Green loop, I thought long and hard. Why not? If things went south at any point, I could stop. If Nick though things were going bad, he could pull the plug. We had made that agreement before the start of the race - that Nick was the ultimate referee. While I would get too caught up in the moment, too motivated to keep going, Nick would be impartial and really be able to see what was going on. If at any point he told me to stop, I would listen. There is a mental shift when you don't have to think about keeping going or not. All I had to focus on was staying moving and covering the miles. We discussed stopping a few times during some of the longer pit breaks, but there was never any firm decision. So off I went after each stop. And with each ribbon added to my braid I was that much closer. It was only on that last Red loop, my last loop of the race, where I was done - the threshold for stopping had been meet. There would be no Gold loop, no golden ribbons added to my braids.
Demons
It seems like every time I get an audacious goal in mind, the demons come with it. Voices doubting my ability and my dedication to be able to achieve the goals. In the past, the demons have been proven correct. I've twice missed time goals by seconds. After each failed attempt at dreaming big, the demons have been there - laughing at me. See, we knew you couldn't do it. You aren't fast enough. You don't train hard enough. You don't look like a runner. There's no way you'll be able to run that fast when you weigh as much as you do. Trying to battle the demons has pushed me into dangerous places at times - from over training to injury. When I stay in the realm of the possible - 50ks and maybe 50m, the demons aren't as loud. But by making this journey public, it provided the demons the fodder they needed to start whispering. The 100k goal was public. I couldn't back down from that. Again - It's such a big undertaking. Are you sure you're going to be able to do in? That's a lot of races, aren't you going to burn out before finishing it? I kept the 100 mile dream goal to myself and my crew - I didn't want the pressure of declaring that crazy of a goal to the world. It's taken me years to quiet the self doubt, but then the questioning comes from outside it makes it even harder to balance. Especially when the verbal doubts come from people who should support you. I didn't want that surrounding me in the weeks leading up to Stories.
Even so, I knew this needed to be public - the greater goal of the year. Without other people knowing about the huge goals, it makes it easier to quit. Telling someone creates that accountability that yes, I am going to do this. Even in the darkest moments, when the sunrise seems hours away, I will finish what I have set out to do. That's how we've always worked. Finish what you started. Let the demons whisper while you just keep doing what they say you cannot do.
I was surprised at Stories. I was anticipating the demons to be loud on those overnight laps, like they were during my last solo 24 hour mountain bike race. Sure, they were there - especially when I got to the pit between laps. The pit was warm and cozy - I was tired. I'd been chilly on that last lap and I knew the temperature was going keep dropping. The coldest part of the day are the hours just before dawn... It would have easy to stop. No one would have though the less of me for stopping. But I had more clothes I could put on and the night was pretty despite the chill. One less excuse to stop. The demons hissed in my ear - it's too early, you haven't trained for this. To which, I responded look how far I've come and how well I'm moving. You aren't going to stop me this close to the dream goal. The night is young still, the stars bright. It's all about being in the moment - even if that includes random song lyrics to keep the mountain lions at bay. Am I mentally stronger then I was in 2014 during that 24 hour race when I was riding scared? Or even at Sheep Mountain back in 2016 when the trail tipped up and I started doing stupid runner math? I don't know. I do know that in the moments, when the doubt weighted upon me, there was always something within my grasp to shake it away. Anything is possible, stay in the moment, believe in yourself and your goals. That is the key to silencing the demons. That and having a strong support system around you!
Community
I think one thing that made it easy to keep going was the community. Unlike a race where the field is spread out and you really don't ever see anyone after the first few hours, there was almost always the sense of people around you. The loops close to camp were busy and everyone happy to talk. Even if it was just "hey, have fun." or "What loop are you on?" there was a brief moment of conversation whenever I met other runners. I was able to cheer people on as our paths crossed multiple times throughout the day. At night, the glimmer of headlamps flitted around the park - a glimpse here and there, just showing you weren't alone. And when things got hard, when I was hurting and struggling to keep the pace going, the people around me gave me the mental boost that I needed. We were all hurting - that was plain on the faces and in the gait of other runners. The volunteers - many of whom stayed up all night to help out were always cheerful and enthusiastic. I've only found this community at a few races outside the Brewers Cup events and it was something I always looked for during my years as a marathoner. Running is something we do for fun - the races should also be fun and with a group of people who share the same mindset. Yes, sometimes - and for some people more then others, the race is about the time and place. For many, however, it's the challenge of finishing more then anything. At Stories, no matter how many miles you ran, you were celebrated just like everyone else. I loved seeing the excitement of the runners heading out for the Golden loop with their friends and family.
The Race
Oh yeah, there was a race going on as well. It wasn't just me and the miles. I never went into Stories thinking about placing, the goal always was about the distance. But in the end, I finished 3rd overall, second woman. Michael Chavez won with 106.34 miles and Christine Tokarz was second with 102.7 miles. My official total was 100.7 miles. I saw Michael frequently throughout the race - we ran most of the first circuit together. We also ran part of a middle Blue together and then frequently crossed paths on Purple. I never saw Christine until the end, even though we traded the women's lead several times. Finally she caught me on the end of the last Blue loop and then was able to get several Gold loops in before the end. But everyone who braved the wind, the dark and the cold should be celebrated, regardless of how many miles they covered. Everyone toeing the line had their own goals, their own motivation.
I haven't done a timed running race like this before, but I loved it. Everyone should try a timed race at some point - the different loops at Stories (even Purple!) - were the key to never getting bored. It was such a fun weekend running around in circles with some new friends. While I don't know if I'll do the 30 hour race again, I definitely want to be a part of the weekend moving forward. I learned a lot about myself over the course of the 30 hours - only some of which I've touched upon here.
Forward Momentum
I'm fond of telling my athletes "continuous forward momentum". It's a common refrain in both ultra running and cycling. But what does it really mean? It's easy to think of it as a purely physical idea - one step at a time, one crank revolution at a time, no matter how slow the pace is. Just keep moving. Physical is easy to grasp, that one step at a time aspect. But it's so much more then just physical - its a mental mindset of perseverance, determination and moving forward. Positivity, approaching the miles and the time with the attitude that you'll be able to push beyond is the key. Forward Momentum keeps you looking at the ever shrinking distance between you and the finish line. It doesn't drag you down with how slow you are covering that distance. This was a good lesson to learn this weekend. There were plenty of times after I reached the 100k mark where I could have just stopped. It was dark, it was cold. I was getting tired. I didn't need to do 100 miles - that was planned for September, when I had more training in my legs. Instead of looking at the whole, I looked at each group of loops. Two more reds, one more Purple. And when my legs finally gave out and running was no longer an option, I had the mental strength to keep moving. One step at a time, keep focusing on the positive. That is the essence of Continuous Forward Momentum - the mental and physical strength required to take one more step and then another. It's a skill as much as running.
 |
| The last red loop, trying to keep moving. Hoggling is definitly an art for ultra runners to learn! Photo Christy Thompson |
Dream Big
When I first signed up for Stories, it was supposed to be my 100k for the Transcendence Series. Because of the timing and the amount of training I would be able to do, I was worried about even going that far. After all, three 50ks from August through November, one formal marathon and a few marathon length long runs don't fall into traditional ultra running training for anything longer then a 50 mile race. Add in the fact that I took nearly two weeks really easy after the Half and Half Marathon on 12/9 to make sure that I was completely recovered from the fall and that left four weeks for solid training. There was also the weather to consider - February in COS can be anything from 60*s and sunny to full on blizzard conditions with sub zero temperatures. No one had gotten over 70 miles last year, so that added to my fears early on. I even mentioned to John in my email going over my plan that it all depended on getting 100k. I was worried that I would only get 50 miles. After meeting with my crew and looking over my tentative plan, I started dreaming. Then for my only really long run before the race, I did the complete circuit with some additional miles. Could I dream even bigger then 100k? After all, I had 30 hours.
It wasn't until I hit 50 miles that I started really letting myself think about the potential of getting to 100 miles. Even so, I still had to safely get through 100k. That was the primary goal. Dreaming didn't do a damn bit of good if something happened before 100k. And then I finished my fourth Green Loop - 65 miles in. I could allow myself to start dreaming, start thinking about a teddy bear belt buckle. I had over 14 hours to cover the last 35 miles. Time to bundle up for the long haul and head out into the night.
Into the Unknown
My longest race to date was Sheep Mountain 50 back in 2016. I've mentioned a few times that I haven't done as much training for Stories as I did for Sheepy. So what was I thinking when I reached the end of Purple 3? Officially, Purple 3 meant I'd run 58.8 miles - my longest distance ever. I felt stronger then at Sheepy, still motivated to keep running. I wasn't wrecked, wanting the miles to be over. I was smiling, having fun and relishing the challenge. (That's my perspective. My crew might have something different to say about that!!) I'd reach my goal of 100k easily. But could I keep going beyond that point? As I headed out on the fourth Green loop, I thought long and hard. Why not? If things went south at any point, I could stop. If Nick though things were going bad, he could pull the plug. We had made that agreement before the start of the race - that Nick was the ultimate referee. While I would get too caught up in the moment, too motivated to keep going, Nick would be impartial and really be able to see what was going on. If at any point he told me to stop, I would listen. There is a mental shift when you don't have to think about keeping going or not. All I had to focus on was staying moving and covering the miles. We discussed stopping a few times during some of the longer pit breaks, but there was never any firm decision. So off I went after each stop. And with each ribbon added to my braid I was that much closer. It was only on that last Red loop, my last loop of the race, where I was done - the threshold for stopping had been meet. There would be no Gold loop, no golden ribbons added to my braids.
 |
| The final time into the finish area. As much as I wanted, I wasn't able to run those last few steps |
It seems like every time I get an audacious goal in mind, the demons come with it. Voices doubting my ability and my dedication to be able to achieve the goals. In the past, the demons have been proven correct. I've twice missed time goals by seconds. After each failed attempt at dreaming big, the demons have been there - laughing at me. See, we knew you couldn't do it. You aren't fast enough. You don't train hard enough. You don't look like a runner. There's no way you'll be able to run that fast when you weigh as much as you do. Trying to battle the demons has pushed me into dangerous places at times - from over training to injury. When I stay in the realm of the possible - 50ks and maybe 50m, the demons aren't as loud. But by making this journey public, it provided the demons the fodder they needed to start whispering. The 100k goal was public. I couldn't back down from that. Again - It's such a big undertaking. Are you sure you're going to be able to do in? That's a lot of races, aren't you going to burn out before finishing it? I kept the 100 mile dream goal to myself and my crew - I didn't want the pressure of declaring that crazy of a goal to the world. It's taken me years to quiet the self doubt, but then the questioning comes from outside it makes it even harder to balance. Especially when the verbal doubts come from people who should support you. I didn't want that surrounding me in the weeks leading up to Stories.
Even so, I knew this needed to be public - the greater goal of the year. Without other people knowing about the huge goals, it makes it easier to quit. Telling someone creates that accountability that yes, I am going to do this. Even in the darkest moments, when the sunrise seems hours away, I will finish what I have set out to do. That's how we've always worked. Finish what you started. Let the demons whisper while you just keep doing what they say you cannot do.
I was surprised at Stories. I was anticipating the demons to be loud on those overnight laps, like they were during my last solo 24 hour mountain bike race. Sure, they were there - especially when I got to the pit between laps. The pit was warm and cozy - I was tired. I'd been chilly on that last lap and I knew the temperature was going keep dropping. The coldest part of the day are the hours just before dawn... It would have easy to stop. No one would have though the less of me for stopping. But I had more clothes I could put on and the night was pretty despite the chill. One less excuse to stop. The demons hissed in my ear - it's too early, you haven't trained for this. To which, I responded look how far I've come and how well I'm moving. You aren't going to stop me this close to the dream goal. The night is young still, the stars bright. It's all about being in the moment - even if that includes random song lyrics to keep the mountain lions at bay. Am I mentally stronger then I was in 2014 during that 24 hour race when I was riding scared? Or even at Sheep Mountain back in 2016 when the trail tipped up and I started doing stupid runner math? I don't know. I do know that in the moments, when the doubt weighted upon me, there was always something within my grasp to shake it away. Anything is possible, stay in the moment, believe in yourself and your goals. That is the key to silencing the demons. That and having a strong support system around you!
 |
| Sunrise! There is a rejuvenation that comes with the dawn of a new day. |
Community
I think one thing that made it easy to keep going was the community. Unlike a race where the field is spread out and you really don't ever see anyone after the first few hours, there was almost always the sense of people around you. The loops close to camp were busy and everyone happy to talk. Even if it was just "hey, have fun." or "What loop are you on?" there was a brief moment of conversation whenever I met other runners. I was able to cheer people on as our paths crossed multiple times throughout the day. At night, the glimmer of headlamps flitted around the park - a glimpse here and there, just showing you weren't alone. And when things got hard, when I was hurting and struggling to keep the pace going, the people around me gave me the mental boost that I needed. We were all hurting - that was plain on the faces and in the gait of other runners. The volunteers - many of whom stayed up all night to help out were always cheerful and enthusiastic. I've only found this community at a few races outside the Brewers Cup events and it was something I always looked for during my years as a marathoner. Running is something we do for fun - the races should also be fun and with a group of people who share the same mindset. Yes, sometimes - and for some people more then others, the race is about the time and place. For many, however, it's the challenge of finishing more then anything. At Stories, no matter how many miles you ran, you were celebrated just like everyone else. I loved seeing the excitement of the runners heading out for the Golden loop with their friends and family.
 |
| It takes an army - my army was Christy T, Nick and Kelly K. Of course, I had to have Sherpa John in the photo as well! |
The Race
Oh yeah, there was a race going on as well. It wasn't just me and the miles. I never went into Stories thinking about placing, the goal always was about the distance. But in the end, I finished 3rd overall, second woman. Michael Chavez won with 106.34 miles and Christine Tokarz was second with 102.7 miles. My official total was 100.7 miles. I saw Michael frequently throughout the race - we ran most of the first circuit together. We also ran part of a middle Blue together and then frequently crossed paths on Purple. I never saw Christine until the end, even though we traded the women's lead several times. Finally she caught me on the end of the last Blue loop and then was able to get several Gold loops in before the end. But everyone who braved the wind, the dark and the cold should be celebrated, regardless of how many miles they covered. Everyone toeing the line had their own goals, their own motivation.
I haven't done a timed running race like this before, but I loved it. Everyone should try a timed race at some point - the different loops at Stories (even Purple!) - were the key to never getting bored. It was such a fun weekend running around in circles with some new friends. While I don't know if I'll do the 30 hour race again, I definitely want to be a part of the weekend moving forward. I learned a lot about myself over the course of the 30 hours - only some of which I've touched upon here.
 |
| The spoils of racing. My bib, my finishers award and my belt buckle. And all the ribbons I used to track my loops! |
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